By Luke Cameron
The deepest search in life, is seemed to me, the thing that in one way or another was central to all living was man’s search to find a father, not merely the father of his flesh, not merely the lost father of his youth, but the image of a strength and wisdom external to his need and superior to his hunger, to which the belief and power of his own life could be united.
—Thomas Wolfe, “The Story of a Novel”
I believe that God calls us as sons to be united to Him as Father, and it is the lack of this relationship that most holds back men in their lives. God wants to take on this role, breathing life and strength into us, empowering us to live this life fully with Him. Earthly fathers are central in our development and in shaping us into the men we become. Sons need fathers to guide them, seek their heart, know them deeply, and speak life into them. They need to be shown they are the father’s delight, that he wants to be with them. A father is also called to build their son’s confidence in their strength through experiences that train and test, which answer one of the deepest questions every man has, “Do I have what it takes?” God is our Father and our designer, partnering with our fathers in a cycle of love and initiation that will continue throughout our lives. Along the way we all need help and guidance. Thankfully, God has given us many great resources to aid us in this life. Here are some of them:
1. Connecting with God as Father and Provider
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Speak God’s truth about how He sees you (you are one that Christ loves and died for) and who you are in Christ (such as lists of our identity statements from Freedom in Christ ministries) and the (Trust and Fellowship prayers). We need to be reminded of this daily.
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Practice raw honesty with God (positive and negative emotions) about how we are feeling and what we are going through, including how we see God and ourselves, giving it all to Him. He is a good father and WANTS to process all of this with us and bring us healing. David, a man after God’s own heart, expressed his need regularly for God, as well as the heights and depths of his emotions in the Psalms.
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Practice daily Bible reading, asking what God wants to say through each passage.
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Commit to being an all-in disciple of Jesus. If you try to walk with Him only partially, I can personally attest that it will hold you back and keep you from the rich life that God has for you. Bring your struggles to God, He wants to hear from you.
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Ask God to father and guide you daily. God is preparing us to be able to handle authority and power in this life for the good of others. And He’s training us to reign with Him in the coming kingdom.
2. Sharing Life with Christian Men:
In our culture, men are often fed the lie that we need to be able solve all of our problems ourselves. This is not true. If we want to thrive, we need to connect regularly with other men to talk about life—the ups and downs—spurring each other on to the upward call of God. We need to commit to turn from sin and live new lives with Christ’s help and accountability. The best way to do this is through partnership with other men, reminding each other of who we are both to Christ and in Him.
“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16.
I can personally attest that honestly talking about what’s going on in my life with a trusted male friend or mentor is critical for me to be healthy. This includes my sin and how I see and feel about God and myself. In turn, when we hear someone else’s experiences, we need listen to understand, to encourage and to help them. That means gently correcting any sin involved only after fully hearing them out. I admit, being open goes against a desire to protect ourselves from being judged or hurt by others. But it is so life-giving when we do it. If you are looking for someone trustworthy to talk to, find someone who has processed their own brokenness and healing. We have some awesome men’s groups here at Grace, and support recovery groups are also an excellent resource for this.
3. Self-Care:
Pursue further healing and wholeheartedness. Because this is a fallen world and everyone in it has sinned, including all of us, we have been wounded by others’ sin and ours. It is healthy and good to schedule monthly, and if possible weekly, activities that bring you joy. This can be as simple as a hobby that you love or being out in nature.
4. Serving Family, Then Others:
This has to do with our roles of husband, father, brother, employee, etc. These have enormous dignity and power, allowing us to help others. No one can bring what we can into these roles. I have found consistently that when I serve, it also helps me with the things that I am going through.
Recommended Resources:
–-For Men—
- Grace offers a variety of excellent men’s groups, including a Thursday morning discipleship group that can help men walk out the Christian walk with others.
- Book – A man’s design and walking with God into wholeheartedness and initiation
- Retreats—Retreats for men (spring and fall) offering an excellent opportunity to disconnect from a busy world and process one on one with God our story and the adventure God calls us into.
— for Men and Women—
- Podcast – resources to help men and women love God and live free
- App – encountering God though scripture meditation and healing prayer. Excellent teachings and prayers on connecting with Jesus and heart restoration so that we can love God well, love family and others well and live whole and holy.
- Teaching videos —from Wild At Heart retreats (for Men) and Heart Restoration Conference (for Men and Women) that are helpful in knowing your story and bringing heart and life restoration.
